Self-Forgiveness Concern

    Could unforgiveness of ourselves prevent us from positive action on our behalf? And ruin any victory we could achieve over our challenges?

Where does it come from? Usually from complicated feelings of wanting desperately to be loved but feeling unworthy of it. 2

    Self-unforgiveness and self-destructive behavior seem to be linked. We're undermining what we really want out of life. Why? Why would we remain helpless to improve, just because we think we're unworthy of something, or someone?     This perplexity may be why online information seems to mostly provide some causes and effects of self-forgiveness, or self-unforgiveness.

But self destructive patterns are not always so obvious, nor are their causes always easy to understand. 3

    Self-unforgiveness may result in self-destructive actions, attitudes, and habits.

Remember Self destructive behaviors are rigid, unhealthy patterns of responding to feelings of shame and powerlessness. 3

    Whether we notice or not, a reaction to emotional pain materializes a negative type of escape in our lives. We start creating ways to temporarily put us at ease. More disastrous are the negative ways to cope that put our lives at harm.

Of course, the short term relief from these tactics is horribly outweighed by their long-term consequences. 4

    Participation in our own sabotage could be called insanity. At the very least, it's illogical to let anything hurtful control our lives, even if the initial cause was harsh. We can learn to react in a positive direction toward whatever torment happened. If we understand how we are undermining our improvement, we can take steps to rethink our beliefs.

So if stopping the behavior cold turkey isn’t an option for you, work on decreasing the frequency of the behavior. 4

    We can gradually learn to gain control over our mind and being. Every emotional factor, both bad and good, when seen in perspective, helps advance us toward truth.

Author Philip Yancey writes in What's So Amazing About Grace, "Not to forgive [myself] imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong." 1

Only forgiveness [of self] can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness. 1

    We can forgive ourselves. We can become stronger, by knowing our worth to others, and to ourselves. Through positivity, it's possible for us to stop self-defeating actions. We can begin our lives' reconstruction, so that we attain our desires. (brackets are author's) References 1. What Forgiveness Isn't
6 myths that may be keeping you from letting go.
Denise George
(kyria)
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2006, July/August, Vol. 28, Issue 4, Page 38 http://www.kyria.com/topics/spiritualformation/theologyspiritualis sues/14.38.html?start=2 2. Therapy Notes : The female self-destruct button
Dr Pam Spurr, relationships expert (From The Times January 22, 2009) http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationsh ips/article5561922.ece 3. Self Destructive Behaviors In Women
By: Michaele P. Dunlap, Psy.D, Clinical Psychologist http://www.oregoncounseling.org/ArticlesPapers/Documents/SelfDestr uctBehavMD.htm 4. Stop Self-Destructive Behavior
December 22, 2008 by Christine (Woman Tribune) http://womantribune.com/stop-selfdestructive-behavior